Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
