Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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