wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
