Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
