marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
