I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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