As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
