More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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