he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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