Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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