I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
