whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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