Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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