I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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