Three words: puerto rican gang bang
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
