Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Floor bacon is actually really good
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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