just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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