Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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