I CAN MOONWALK!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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