Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
