I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
