Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
