Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
