I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Holy shit dude........stairs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
