Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
