When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
