Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
