Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
