I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
