There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
