: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
