Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
