I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
