why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
