One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
