everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
