I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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