What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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