he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
