I wannas sexs uuuuu
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
