good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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