Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
