I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
