i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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