you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
