Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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