I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
