Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
