I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
