So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
