with your own penis?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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