remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
whose parrot is this?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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