Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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