I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
