So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
