I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
