DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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