people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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