I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
