I wish I could teleport
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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