Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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