So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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