Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
