I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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