East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
