i think i have herpe
just one?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
