Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
