Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
