Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
