I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
