We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
